My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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