i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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