i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
