You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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