What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
