Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
