You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
