Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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