Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
