She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
