But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize