the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
