Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
