I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I AM VODKA MAN
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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