Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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