I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
