I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
