i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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