Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
