singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
