Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
