Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
