i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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