If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
