Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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