i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize