I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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