why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
