this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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