I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
