gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
