New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
