They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i will never coherently bang her
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
