I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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