He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
