waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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