I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
