she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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