I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize