My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
