i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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