grandma shit on top of the toilet
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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