GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
