if only i could text you this smell
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
