3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
