I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
