eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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