Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
