the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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