we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
