Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
