shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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