Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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