why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
