That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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