If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
