omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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