I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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