that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
