she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize