I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
