btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
