nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Michael Bay diarrhea
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's blow job season.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
