You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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