this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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