There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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