I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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