we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
