She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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