I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize