Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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