I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
