so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
