Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
